Author Intrusion
Guest Post by Ruth Wuwong
In fiction, readers want to experience the story through the characters and world you’ve created and don’t want to feel like the author is stepping in to explain, comment, or judge.
Why is author intrusion a problem in fiction writing?
- It breaks immersion—the illusion that the reader is “inside” the story world.
- It reduces emotional impact—instead of feeling, readers are told what to feel.
- It weakens character voice—characters stop sounding authentic when the author takes over.
With my editor’s help, I’ve been able to avoid some obvious author intrusion moments, such as
Over-explaining emotions.
Original text: Xin crouched, tugged open his satchel, and drew out the small parcel. Dread and hope pulled at him. He crept aft, where the oil lamp was caged in a paper hood.
Revised version: Xin crouched, tugged open his satchel, and drew out the small parcel. His chest now tight, he crept aft, where the oil lamp was caged in a paper hood.
Deep point of view (POV).
In a deep POV, filter verbs like “he saw,” “he thought,” “he felt,” and “he realized” create authorial distance. Let readers experience the character’s perceptions directly, without explaining what the character is perceiving or thinking. Wherever possible, present the sensory detail or the thought itself, rather than the fact of noticing it.
Original text: His attention fell on the impeccable embroidery on her sleeve and the expensive watch with its understated black leather band. Was it a Patick Phillipe Grand?”
Deep point of view (POV).
In a deep POV, filter verbs like “he saw,” “he thought,” “he felt,” and “he realized” create authorial distance. Let readers experience the character’s perceptions directly, without explaining what the character is perceiving or thinking. Wherever possible, present the sensory detail or the thought itself, rather than the fact of noticing it.
Original text: His attention fell on the impeccable embroidery on her sleeve and the expensive watch with its understated black leather band. Was it a Patick Phillipe Grand?”
Revised text: The gesture showed off the impeccable embroidery on her sleeve and the expensive watch with its understated black leather band. Was it a Patek Philippe Grand?
Show. Don’t Tell.
Convey meaning through actions, dialogue, and subtext rather than commentary.
Original text: The mention of his name caught Xin’s attention.
Revised text: At the mention of his name, Xin’s shoulder twitched
From the examples, do you think my editor’s changes improve the writing?
Author bio:
Dr. Ruth Wuwong (PhD in biochemistry, MBA in finance) has published 120+ scientific books and papers (under her legal name) and a few Christian fiction books under R. F. Whong. She lives in the Midwest with her husband, a retired pastor. They served together at three churches from 1987 to 2020. Her grown son works in a nearby city.
She currently runs a small biotech company (www.vidasym.com) and has raised more than twenty million US dollars during the past few years for Vidasym.
In addition to her weekly newsletter and the platform (www.ruthforchrist.com), she’s active in several writers’ groups, including ACFW, Word Weavers, Facebook, and Goodreads. Through these connections, she plans newsletter/promotion swaps with others and has writers endorse her books, write forewords, and host her on guest blogs.
The Minnesota Anoka County Library has chosen her as a 2025 Featured Author. One of her books, Echoes over Stormy Sea, won several awards, including being chosen by readers as a winner in the HOLT Medallion Contest.
Genre: Action/Adventure.
Fire Between Two Skies (Action/Adventure; Dual-time Odyssey Book 3): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0G33N9DBT
Series Page: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F4LKXS2W
By R. F. Whong, named a 2025 Featured Author by the Minnesota Anoka County Library.
About Fires Between Two Skies
Show. Don’t Tell.
Convey meaning through actions, dialogue, and subtext rather than commentary.
Original text: The mention of his name caught Xin’s attention.
Revised text: At the mention of his name, Xin’s shoulder twitched
From the examples, do you think my editor’s changes improve the writing?
Author bio:
Dr. Ruth Wuwong (PhD in biochemistry, MBA in finance) has published 120+ scientific books and papers (under her legal name) and a few Christian fiction books under R. F. Whong. She lives in the Midwest with her husband, a retired pastor. They served together at three churches from 1987 to 2020. Her grown son works in a nearby city.
She currently runs a small biotech company (www.vidasym.com) and has raised more than twenty million US dollars during the past few years for Vidasym.
In addition to her weekly newsletter and the platform (www.ruthforchrist.com), she’s active in several writers’ groups, including ACFW, Word Weavers, Facebook, and Goodreads. Through these connections, she plans newsletter/promotion swaps with others and has writers endorse her books, write forewords, and host her on guest blogs.
The Minnesota Anoka County Library has chosen her as a 2025 Featured Author. One of her books, Echoes over Stormy Sea, won several awards, including being chosen by readers as a winner in the HOLT Medallion Contest.
Genre: Action/Adventure.
Fire Between Two Skies (Action/Adventure; Dual-time Odyssey Book 3): https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0G33N9DBT
Series Page: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0F4LKXS2W
By R. F. Whong, named a 2025 Featured Author by the Minnesota Anoka County Library.
About Fires Between Two Skies
In 2022 Hong Kong, Jason Guan, after losing his job as an assistant supervisor for wetland conservation, joins his uncle’s real-estate business. A chance meeting with his high school classmate, Vivian Jiang, draws him into a web of secrecy, seduction, and moral compromise. Amid the chaos, he and his wife, Debra, read an unpublished manuscript by her father, a celebrated writer, about the Taiping Heavenly Kingdom (1851–1864) and a man’s futile pursuit of justice and peace on earth.
In nineteenth-century China, Zhang Xin, an orphan saved from the streets by Missionary Issachar Jacox Roberts, is swept into the fiery rebellion of the Taiping movement. Torn between the dream of a just kingdom, his forbidden love for Miao Lan, and his loyalty to his ruthless brother, Xin reckons with doubt, conscience, and the cost of faith.
When greed and exploitation eclipse justice, both men must navigate their respective perils. Will they prevail or be consumed?
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Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/author/love.respect.grace
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Bookbub: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/r-f-whong
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